WRITE YOUR ‘YOU’LOGY

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I am a little morbid. I often wonder what my funeral would be like. Who would come and what would they say? But it wasn’t until recently that I thought about what I WANT them to say. What type of person do I want to be remembered as? What legacy and reputation do I want to leave behind?

You know I am a big proponent of ‘Mapping’ so I thought it would be a great idea to write what type of person we want to be remembered as then work backwards. We should write our eulogy…no…our ‘YOU’logy! Hahahaha…I am so funny!

Anyhoo, Think about it. What speech do you want given at your funeral? What accomplishments, memories, character traits? Whatever it is we want, we should acknowledge it, write it then live it! Simple, huh?

I JUST thought about writing my ‘YOU’logy, so I am just as new to it as you are… Here is mine:

Paula Yee Sing-Edwards was a burst of positive energy. She brought joy and laughter with her vibe to many. She was an inspiration to the youth she worked closely with and her Foundation will continue to assist those in need.

She has started several successful organizations as a result of her out -of -the box thinking and has left an indelible mark as an entrepreneur, a wife, a friend, daughter, sister…a citizen of this earth. She has written several inspiring books that will continue to touch lives.

Her strength of character, academic achievements and entrepreneurial success are inspirations to many in this generation and the next.

There it is. As you can see, I have a lot to accomplish, so I gotta go! Not gonna get all this done sitting around here. What will your ‘YOU’logy read?

Grandma- The Networking and Customer Service Guru

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I love to read. I read books about networking, building positive self and business images; about the Laws of Attraction and the power of positive thinking…the “SECRET”. Literally hundreds (maybe thousands) of dollars have been spent by me to fill my mind with words of wisdom from DVD-creating, book-signing, keynote speaking, Masters-bearing, PhD-titled authors. Companies have paid billions to train staff in customer service, branding and motivation. According to Johns Hopkins Institute of Policy Studies; Federal Government paid between $3.2 billion and $5.3 billion in 2002 on job training. States spent another $500 million to $700 million and Businesses spent considerably more on training than the federal and state governments combined – between $8 and $17 billion.

While showering the other day I was reflecting on these things and thought: I could have been making millions off Grandma!!!! The things Grandma tried to ingrain in me while growing up are exactly what I am paying thousands to study and companies are paying billions to teach… I can see it now…”Grandma’s Secret to Networking and Customer Service”.

Think about it. Didn’t your Grandma teach you to sit up straight, speak properly, dress well, smile, avoid confrontation, think positively?…. Isn’t that the basis of the teachings of our favorite motivational speakers and business gurus? My Grandma surely taught me those rules. She was strict about it too…Diddy can’t hold a candle to her boot camp (Hmmm… “I Want To Work For Grandma”?…VH1 Holla!).

Why didn’t I think of archiving all her wonderfully wise words? The more I read about networking, the art of conversation, first impressions, body language and customer service, the more of grandma’s words I see. Review these translations of Grandma’s words and tell me what you think!

Ok…the last one was definitely put there for a chuckle, BUT IT IS TRUE!

Next time you read a book or sit through a seminar on customer service and networking, remember where you heard it first… from Grandma, the guru!

Hope you enjoyed reading this was…it sure was fun writing it!

Book Review- How To Work A Room by Susan RoAne

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Facebook, Myspace, Twitter and all other networking sites are absolutely terrific and a BIG tool for marketing and networking. Since the boom of these websites, the art of conversation and direct ‘human’ interaction have been lost. It’s kinda like when we started storing phone numbers in cell phones and could no longer remember people’s numbers on our own. Before cell phones, I could reel off anyone’s number without hesitation; alas, my brain no longer logs these in. Hmm…maybe that’s just me. But I digress…

The art of networking in person is almost dead. Even the most skilled of minglers need to make an effort to have face to face conversation after a few years of ‘networking-made-easy’, courtesy of the cyber age.

Thank goodness for self-help books such as How to Work a Room by Susan RoAne. I just finished this great read which I rate as well written and pertinent in this age where networking, image and branding are the core of any and every business.

The author starts out by identifying the 5 reasons (”Roadblocks”) resulting from our socialization, that prevent us from communicating freely and comfortably with strangers. Our mother ingrained in us to :

• Not talk to strangers
• Wait to be properly introduced
• Not be pushy
• Better be safe than sorry
• Avoid mixed messages

Susan RoAne addresses each individual issue and suggests real solutions for overcoming these roadblocks.

In my blog post, “You Had Me From Hello”-Work your Network!! , I related a story about using RoAne’s tips from the book to create a positive lasting impression on the hosts and fellow guests at an event I attended with my husband. Since then, I have continued to utilize the book to create strong business and personal contacts. RoAne stresses the fact that networking shouldn’t be a task…it should be natural and fun! So after reading the book I didn’t feel like a student about to take a life-changing examination; instead I felt excited and energized to try the suggestions.

How to Work a Room explains the importance of the perfect handshake, active listening, how to gather great conversation starters, how to leave a great first impression, the essence of never leaving our business cards (EVER!) and so much more…. My question is…How did she cover so many issues in one book!?

The author’s style is a combination of humor, anecdotes, comic strips and stories from her own life to make the book entertaining as well as educational. Every chapter brought a chuckle (yea…I got some strange looks on the train).

Anyone who has to attend a reunion, a trade show, give a speech before a crowd, go to the gym, walk your dog in the park….pretty much go anywhere…this is a great read to help you on your way to developing your communication skill or honing your already adept socializing dexterity. Of course, Susan RoAne wisely and succinctly tackles the etiquette to be used in “cyber rooms” and “techno toy” rooms, addressing the proper use of emails, cell phone and PDAs.

This is evidence that the book is great: No one is as shy as my husband with whom I am in business and he has used the tips to work a room…even I am impressed! My job as his spokesperson and official event crutch may be in grave jeopardy (thanks a lot Susan!…Kidding!!).

RoAne ends the book by outlining the 10 Commandments of Communication which sum up the topics covered:

Thou shalt prepare
Thou shalt attend
Thou shalt try strategies
Thou shalt say something…anything
Thou shalt mind thy manners
Thou shalt avoid common crutches
Thou shalt remember the 3 E’s – Effort, Energy, Enthusiasm
Thou shalt dress appropriately
Thou shalt remember the 3 C’s- Courtesy, Charm, Chutzpah
Thou shalt bring thy sense of humor

How to Work a Room by Susan RoAne is a great read with great communication pointers. Pick it up and start connecting again!!

Goal-Setting & Execution- For Procrastinators (like me)

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This is for all you..er…us… procrastinators.

Goal-setting is a vital step in getting ahead and developing personally or professionally. Setting ‘finishing points’ is easy…..getting them done is HARD!!!

I am a born planner. I wish I had a job where I could organize everyone’s life, schedule, future… BUT, very few things do I actually accomplish. Why? I procrastinate! I feel so good after making the perfect plan, I spend forever patting myself on the shoulder, and planning more. But what is the use in having well made plans if we fail to execute them?

This has been a serious problem in my life. So I have recently made adjustments to improve my goal execution.

My plans are always written; I actually keep an idea book, where I make notes when I brainstorm or I list things I want to accomplish in life, for the year, the month, the week, the day…you get the idea… I WRITE everything.

Next, I set deadlines (I work best under pressure…even if self inflicted!) to achieve these and outline how I am going to go about it. Everyday I do something-no matter how small- towards achieving the goal…then I ‘tickie’ it!!! YES…TICKIE (ticky?…sticky? however we spelt it in school). It is a great feeling to put a check mark at things we planned to accomplish; it gives a sense of satisfaction and moves us a step closer to our finish point.

Now, as a procrastinator, getting the listed things done is a task, so I have to train myself (boot camp styleee). I tend to start things and NOT finish, so since I am aware of this problem I make a concentrated effort to complete. I set small seemingly mundane goals. For example, at the gym on the treadmill I will set it for 15 mins and by 12 or 13 mins I figure I could stop to begin another workout. BUT in Paula’s bootcamp I have to stick it out and complete the 15 mins- my goal.

If I am reading a book, I set a goal to complete certain chapters and I do not stop until I finish the goal.

Slowly I am seeing evidence of progress…even in maintaining the writing of these notes and blogs, I am like that old-ish Jamaican Festival Song (Mi Stop, Mi Go, Mi Stop…mi stop, mi go, mi stop, mi go….stop and gooooooooo)-pardon the corniness, I can’t help it!

So…us partial doers…sufferers of Adult ADD (Adult Attention Deficit Disorder)…let’s work on it together and get stuff done.

Image is Everything….What’s Your Public Identity?

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In this age of branding, public image is no longer limited to business but is now very personal. Since the boom of the social networking sites such as Myspace, Facebook …Hi5 (hey, don’t knock Hi5! I met the love of my life there!!!), the image of individuals is under continuous scurtiny.

The photos, the friends, the bio are all used to ’sum up’ what a person is all about. So always keep in mind the image and the impression you want the public to have of you. As we are all well aware, these sites are powerful marketing tools, so what do you want to market yourself as? If you are an entrepreneur (as so many of us are), the image we reflect on these sites affect how our business is viewed….

… Do you have a corporate Image business with party girl pix?

… Do you have a photography business with poor quality photos posted?

….Are you an entertainment agent with NO photos of your involvement in the field?

… Are you promoting health awareness with photos showing your involvement (innocent as they may seem) in unhealthy habits…

Then you and your business run the risk of not being taken seriously and may not gain the confidence of the mass due to the contradictory image. This clearly can have a negative effect on your bottomline..your earnings…your profit..your moula.

Yea, the adage is true…image is everything…more so than ever before.

Of course, one such way to separate your personal life from your business is to set up separate networking accounts. The business account will reflect the logo and industry-related photos and information, while the personal allows you to be more natural.

So…if you never thought about this before, think about it!

The More We Have, The Less We Strive??

Paula Yee Sing

I was showering (where I get my best enlightenment) and started thinking about accessibility and ambition. They seem to have an inversely proportional relationship… when things are accessible, we don’t strive as hard.

Remember high school? Those who lived near to the school were the ones late. And even in adulthood…those close to work are those who are late. On the other hand, those who lived far away (Linstead, Spanish Town…) were at school before all the classrooms were open!

Are we prone to take things for granted when we have the means at our fingertips? This may not be the general… but it happens frequently enough to be..er…general-ish. I am always amazed at stories of people who excelled after having to study by candle light, with a crowded house, after cooking the dinner and cleaning up. And then those who had ample space, books, resources find some lame excuse to not get things done.

Those with no personal means of transport will get on the bus and get where they need to be…but those with a car somehow get lazy. If it breaks down, they cannot get to work, or to the meeting…

If there is a something you are striving for in this life, never let anything keep you from going for it. Act as if you have no choice but to get it. As if there are no ‘parents’ to bail you out, no ‘family business’ to get into if yours fail…GET IT. As you achieve small levels of success, strive for the ultimate goal as if you have nothing to fall back on…to ‘settle’ with. (But please do go ahead and celebrate every level of success, just don’t let it slow the growth process.)
We are the only ones who can really achieve what we want…and too often we are the ones who keep ourselves from it.

Mapping Your Journey to Success

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So I am sitting here at my desk writing my September map. Yea… “writing” my map… I have to, without it I am like a headless chicken going blindly in circles.

I refer to myself as a Jane of All Trades and ‘Work-In-Progress-Master of Most’ (if not all). At any given time I have countless ideas swirling around my mind…like noise…mental noise. Every time I had a thought I began to pursue it and neglect the former idea I was pursuing. This resulted in a lot of half-completed plans and half way achievements. Not good. I had to think of a way to control my ideas and bring each of them to fruition in a sensible fashion and stop wasting energy and time chasing every thought.

According to a study by the Ford Foundation:
• 23% of the population has no clue what they want from life and as such, they have very little.
• 67% of the population has a general idea what they want out of life, but no clue how to attain it.
• 10% of the population has specific goals
• Only 7 out of that 10 achieve their goals half the time
• The top 3% achieved the goals 89% of the time

The difference between the 3% elite group and the rest was: THEY WROTE DOWN THEIR GOALS!!! Can you believe it? Sounds too simple, right?

But it kinda makes sense, doesn’t it? Goal-setting is like a map - it guides us to our destination, allowing us to have a bird’s eye view of the route. We can avoid time-wasting dead ends and detours. Dreams and wishes become goals when they are written; in some strange way writing them down materializes them and makes them probable. I like the phrase “dreams with a deadline” which I have heard used to describe goals.

These are tips to creating my maps for success:
• Get a calendar as visual aid; the mind tends to follow what is in front of it.
• Set aside an hour a day to plan. Force yourself into the habit.
• Work backwards- Focus on your long term goals and decide what short term activities will lead to your long term target.
• Plan tomorrow the night before- While you sleep, your mind will organize your time. I have a white board by my desk that I write my daily tasks on. Then at the end of the day I erase the accomplished ones and leave the undone ones for the next day. Of course the aim is to erase them all!!!
• Start the day with a mental run-down of your agenda. Then just do them! Walk with an idea notebook to jot anything that comes to mind.
• Of course keep in mind that there may be obstacles. Plan for these proactively and not re-actively. Just steer around the obstacles and keep on moving.
• Reward yourself when you achieve your goals. Give yourselves mini-incentives to go even further. But if course don’t waste time patting yourself on the back for too long…there is still lots to do!

Anyhoo my friends, I am going back to my mapping! See you at the finish line of success!

“You Had Me From Hello”-Work your Network!!

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By now everyone knows that networking is the core of any entrepreneurial venture; Networking is marketing and marketing is key in promoting yourself, a service or product. Image and reputation (-thanks David Mullings) play powerful roles in the success (or lack) of any business. What is often forgotten is the fact that we don’t need to attend ‘networking’ functions and conferences to do so. We can interact and market in our day to day goings-on. The gym, the gas station, the bank, the supermarket, a child’s party are great untapped sources of contacts, customers, consumers and patrons.

I have always been a socialista; as a child I somehow knew the power of having certain contacts. I remember tugging at my dad’s shirt compelling him to introduce me to any police officer I saw anywhere…for some reason I believed I would need to have them as close friends (hmm..What was I thinking I would need them for??). It was the same for just about any professional, as I walked with a ‘contacts notebook’ to jot numbers…was so cute…I was like 10!

But this weekend, after reading “How to Work a Room” by Susan RoAne, I decided to go steps further with my networking. As a guest at a sweet 16 for the daughter of a friend of a friend - my friend’s grandparents could no longer attend, so my husband and I were the replacements. We were 2 of 4 black persons in a mostly Jewish circle and I thought to myself “self….let’s put our reading into practice!”

I took my friend’s mom’s hand and we took over the dance floor. Soon my husband joined in and we got others involved too. People were rooting for us and asking us to show them our dance moves etc; complimenting my husband and myself on what a great couple we seem to be…

I saw a couple on the dance floor make their way to the bar (open bar yipeeee) I followed so as to strike up a conversation. We chatted for a bit about their 28 year marriage, their kids, exchanged introductions and bingo…I left my mark. Similarly, I greeted the hosts (the parents) and commended them on an awesome event during the party and on our departure. I circled the room and shook hands with the people at most tables and met other professionals present at the event.

Yesterday I got a call from my friend who invited us informing me that we were the talk of the party and “everyone is still talking” about the awesome couple. There is now an open invitation to any event the family is hosting!

The point is…even those of us who think we have the keenest networking skills…with a CONSCIOUS effort to do more, we can make marketing magic! I did not market my upcoming online magazine, YaadNoyz Magazine, since it is still in the works, but I laid a foundation to chat business in the future.

Make eye contact today with someone and spark up a conversation..watch it work magic for your business life or even your personal life! Tomorrow I will discuss a few of my “conversation-starter-uppers”. Talk about the weather, the gas price, the color of her dress…be honest and confident and leave your mark.

You can have them at hello!!!

What if He Doesn’t Want the Baby?

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Here is another from my survey archive. I received lots of email responses for this one when I posted it in my Myspace Blog. I would love to hear..er…read the responses from my Facebook friends!

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Hey friends!

This topic is a doozie! I have many male and female friends..MANY.. so I have been lucky to be exposed to 2 sides and 2 points of view to various very sensitive issues.

I have not had the opportunity to ask the views on this particular topic, so I thought I would throw it out here….

A MAN AND WOMAN ARE HAVING A CASUAL SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP (MUTUAL AGREEMENT), BUT THE WOMAN GETS PREGNANT DURING ONE OF THE ENCOUNTERS WITH THE MAN.

THE MAN SAYS HE DOES NOT WANT A CHILD (WELL… NOT FROM HER) AND OFFERS TO PAY FOR AN ABORTION.

IF THE WOMAN AGREES, AGREES!!!!!!!….GOES TO THE CLINIC……….. THEN CHANGES HER MIND WITHOUT DISCUSSING WITH THE MAN AND DECIDES TO KEEP THE CHILD….IS THE MAN STILL OBLIGATED TO TAKE CARE OF THE CHILD??

Believe me when I say I am torn about this issue.

I have been trying to type my opinion right here and find it difficult. Children should never suffer for the errors of the parents, but parenting is more than being there for a child financially.. how can you feign love and emotional bonding? If those are absent I rather not have the man in the child’s life.

If I was a man… and agreed with a woman to NOT parent a child with her..and SHE decides otherwise after… I would not be happy to be forced into that relationship with her.

On the other hand… it takes 2 people to conceive the child, so both parties should bear the consequences and step up to the plate and be a responsible parent…

Sooooooooo many different views…. Hmmm…what do you think. (hope you have better luck putting it on paper).

Leading By Intimidation…Support or Oppose?

Sean "Puffy" Combs

I am a fan of Sean “Puffy” “Diddy” Combs. I admire what he has accomplished as an entrepreneur and a mogul in the various industries spreading from music and entertainment into the fashion and beverage industries (Ciroc). One the most looked forward to ‘Diddy event’ for me is his reality TV shows and no doubt his latest “I Want to Work For Diddy” on VH1 is choc -full of entertaining moments, educational moments and thought provoking moments.

The show is about young men and women vying for the post of personal assistant to Puffy. Of course week to week they will be faced with incredulous challenges and seemingly ridiculous tasks which, stupendous as they seem, are the reality of the entertainment business. I can definitely see how working for Diddy can prepare you for a job working for anyone and anything. The Government should consider a ‘Diddy Bootcamp’ for privates in the army as a mandatory training course (Hey! Don’t forget you got the idea here Sean!).

I can’t help but to notice that Sean Combs’ presence comes with extreme intimidation in his underlings and expectants. I would describe my leadership method as Participative, where I get involved with my team and work alongside them to encourage and build a positive rapport and hence improve self confidence in job performance and productivity. Diddy, on the other hand uses an Autocratic style.

Does this style of leadership work? Hmmm… I can go on and on and speak against this method, claiming that putting down employees and intimidating them lead to them continually questioning their abilities and compromising productivity. But does it really? Diddy seem to produce very efficient individuals prepared for the harsh industry; many of whom have gone off to create successful companies after learning under the ‘Diddyship’. What then can I say about his intimidating presence? It seems to work!

I worked at Go West, official distributor of Guess? apparel in Jamaica and I never forget Ms Pessoa. Once her car pulled into the parking lot we all had to be BUSY. If there were no customers, no unfolded shirts, no crooked hangers, WE MADE SOME! We had to create work because no one should be idling at any time. I believe that though it was intimidation, there was deep respect; we kept the place up to the high standard demanded by her and at no time did we feel we could drop the ball and become lackadaisical. Her methods were successful! Go West was and still is known for its atmosphere and air of exquisiteness.

On the opposite end, I have seen instances where managers or supervisors try to develop an atmosphere of equality and friendliness which resulted in disrespect and subsequent discord. The worker begins to feel he needn’t to stand by the hard and fast rules of the company and sometimes try to progressively break more to see what he can get away with in the presence of the supervisor. At that point, if the manager or supervisor tries to reprimand the employee, the relationship is adversely affected.

I am led to believe that leadership styles are directly proportional to who is being ‘led’. Those under the autocratic ‘Diddicratic’ method need to be tough, strong, and (somewhat subservient at the same time) and is not discouraged by shame and intimidation. The Participative and Laissez Faire leaders have employees who are self sufficient, confident, and who acknowledge and embrace the distinction among roles in the hierarchy of the company.

What is the best leadership method? What method brings out the best in employees and results in highest level of productivity?