What if He Doesn’t Want the Baby?
Stock Photo
Here is another from my survey archive. I received lots of email responses for this one when I posted it in my Myspace Blog. I would love to hear..er…read the responses from my Facebook friends!
_____________________________________________________
Hey friends!
This topic is a doozie! I have many male and female friends..MANY.. so I have been lucky to be exposed to 2 sides and 2 points of view to various very sensitive issues.
I have not had the opportunity to ask the views on this particular topic, so I thought I would throw it out here….
A MAN AND WOMAN ARE HAVING A CASUAL SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP (MUTUAL AGREEMENT), BUT THE WOMAN GETS PREGNANT DURING ONE OF THE ENCOUNTERS WITH THE MAN.
THE MAN SAYS HE DOES NOT WANT A CHILD (WELL… NOT FROM HER) AND OFFERS TO PAY FOR AN ABORTION.
IF THE WOMAN AGREES, AGREES!!!!!!!….GOES TO THE CLINIC……….. THEN CHANGES HER MIND WITHOUT DISCUSSING WITH THE MAN AND DECIDES TO KEEP THE CHILD….IS THE MAN STILL OBLIGATED TO TAKE CARE OF THE CHILD??
Believe me when I say I am torn about this issue.
I have been trying to type my opinion right here and find it difficult. Children should never suffer for the errors of the parents, but parenting is more than being there for a child financially.. how can you feign love and emotional bonding? If those are absent I rather not have the man in the child’s life.
If I was a man… and agreed with a woman to NOT parent a child with her..and SHE decides otherwise after… I would not be happy to be forced into that relationship with her.
On the other hand… it takes 2 people to conceive the child, so both parties should bear the consequences and step up to the plate and be a responsible parent…
Sooooooooo many different views…. Hmmm…what do you think. (hope you have better luck putting it on paper).
21. August 2008 at 5:40 pm :
This is a sticky situation but torn I am not. It takes two tango, therefore I think before the two parties enter into the ‘casiuo-sexual” relationship, they should discuss the possibilities of pregnancy. Sounds ludicrous especially when it should be a little fling. But sometimes these flings produces unwanted pregnancy an thus presenting the saga of ‘what if he doesn’t want the baby’ One has to bear in mind that it is another human life and shouldn’t be played down as a simple commodity that you return to the grocery store simple because you don’t want it.
When he says he doesnt want the child and that he will pay for the abortion, does that eliminate his rights as a father?
‘I don’t want ………I will…………’ Are all responsibilities and obligations non existent by this simple sentence?
When he said that he would do that which is mentioned above, was a contract drawn up, in the event that should the mother change her mind he has legal support and can simply say ‘Oh well you are on your own………? Unless he goes to court and wants to do so…………then, I guess there goes all ties and responsibilities!!!!!
Sin embargo!!!!!
What if the roles were switched?
What if she wants to terminate the pregnancy, and the man doesn’t want her to do so does the he have a say?
21. August 2008 at 6:58 pm :
Ooooh! I would love to find out the views of people for the reverse situation. I will write a new blog using this as the issue. Thanks for the comment, Sherrian!
26. September 2008 at 2:29 am :
Paula I dont know how I missed this one. Like many other discussion topics this is one that I am also very passionate about. I am sure I will have to write on this in more than one sitting but lets begin. I do agree that it takes two to tango and humans are not capable of impregnating themselves therefore both should own up to their responsibilities when and if such a situation should arise…then again on the other hand as humans we are filled with flaws (despite what we may think) and herein lies another..lack of responsibility (or is it really) Hmmm I have been on both sides of this fence.. what can I say I have and continue to live an interesting life with numerous turns and curves..kinda like fern gully.
Anyway back to the matter at hand. By law whether or not he wants it he is going to be held responsible for it as long as the arm of the law can prove it, so lets forget about the law for a minute …as my mother used to love to say…”if u know u go there stay there a tek care of whatever u make while u were there” (those statements used to crack me up..though as an adult i no longer find it funny), as for who is responsible I have to go back to what mommy said “no child asked to come here and nobody was holding the flashlight while you were having sex” (she kinda crude). On the other hand by moral nature it is expected the man would do the right thing (and i can assure you from god mek adam an eve..no right thing has always been done) which is own the child, marry the woman and settle for a life of misery till one of them dies…..NOT! We need to realise that society set up a lot of the standards that we live and in doing so it extends to every facet of our lives whether we want to believe it or not.
Paula the scenario you painted happens everyday, every minute of our lives and both men and women are faced with making the decision. I dont think of the situation in terms of him being obligated to taking care of the child but I will get back to the obligation issue. My story in three nut shells… 1) I had a casual relationship got pregnant and the first thing the guy says was “but I thought u were on the pill”. Though he did not say it out loud I know he wanted to tell mi to have an abortion but instead of doing that he started behaving in a manner which was uncharacteristic to his nature. Luckily in this instance before I actually decided to terminate I started bleeding and ended up spending the night at Uwii because I had miscarried. I have lived to see him apologise to me for the way he dealt with the situation and his wishes of wanting to turn back time…oh well thats not possible and he is still in my (crap on you book depending on the day of the week or the mood that I am in). I must ad though that because of how I was brought up I have always been independent to a degree that is frightful at times. But I have always said if I get pregnant and the man does not want the child and I want the baby I will keep it and do what I have to do. THough responsibility (and i use the term loosely) is a two way street…if its my decision to keep it that leaves the man by law to take care of its financial needs and I dont know how u going to get a Judge to pass judgment on sharing emotional needs (we have to remember the child will need nurturing in a wholesome environment provided by two loving parents…..good luck with that crock).
Me and most of my siblings are from broken homes, as society so nicely puts it…(I never found anything broken in my home except for when I got in a fight with my brother or my grandaunt from england gave us those hand made forest green wool sweaters for chriistmas gift in jamaica something was definately broken with her). My father (God rest his soul) was a very busy man and at one point or other his wives and girlfriends overlapped each other and hence 7 siblings different mothers but close as peas in a pod. My mother was given the option on both her pregnancies to terminate and she didnt….and she has produced and raised by herself two wonderful children….my brother is a chartered quantity surveyor residing in London having recently relocated from Trinidad. As for my siblings they are all in their profession of choice and doing well for themselves despite our fathers’ abandonment (for want of a better word).
The shoe was on the other foot for me when I hooked up with an ex-boyfriend on his way to ochi for beach jouvert….it was late he popped in and one thing lead to another to another and viola I was knocked up so to speak.(little secret when u have had none for over a year you dont just happen to be on the pill or have condoms saved up for a rainy day)..when i called him five weeks later and said “i am late”..his response was “late for what”,” where u going, u want mi carry yuh”. I had to rethink and reword the whole statement …which basically had me reminding him we had sex, obviously unprotected and that my period was over 8 days late. He fell silent then told me he had to call me back. I took the silence for “oh well let me give u the money to get rid of it” cause I was already thinking to myself that I wasnt ready for another baby. Unfortunately for the poor soul he just never seemed to put the right words together so when he called back two days later he started with “baby how u want to handle this”, I was angry and started out with well I didnt do it to myself. He calmed me down and proceeded to tell me that we needed to talk. Long story short…he think he was ready for a baby…i grabbed his crotch to make sure he still had the same male equipment and hadnt suddenly turned female….He gave his speech about being at a point in his life where he was financial secure, professionally successfull blah blah yada yada…and to put the icing on the cake he was at the ideal age to be a father (take note people u have no authority to fatherhood until u reach 36+ memba simone tell u). I burst his bubble went against his wishes, did the unthinkable ( oh please u know u thinking about it so I dont know where the term came from), and when he was out of the country on business I made myself unpregnant and though it took 3 years before he spoke to me again.. he has a child with the woman he married and as far as I am concerned is living in bliss..but he does remind me on occassion of “what could have been” and how old our child would be now…
I on the other hand had and have no pipe dreams, am a perpetual pessimist and haffi start bawl from early cause mi eye wata nuh near….and live in a very real world where my reality on may occassions differ from the dictates of society and its romanticisms. To have or not to have a baby is a difficult decision in itself without the added worries of whether or not he is going ot take care of his “responsibility” or “obligation”…if i were a child i would not want to be thought of as a responsibility or an obligation…those two words for me make me think of mortgages, credit cards and lifelong debt…which child would want to think they are more of a burden than anything else. If I decide to bring a child into the world without the man wanting to be a part of that child’s life, its my decision, its my choice….I can tell my child later…your father wasnt ready to make the decision to be a part of your life he chose other wise but it was my decison and my choice to bring you into this world…..