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Depression is a plague, give not power to it and let it remain vague. There is power in the tongue and power in the pen. Leave it from the mouth and strike it from the page, writing it only makes it temporarily dormant, for one day the beast will leave the cage. OJ Irons (II)
I was in a video call today with OJ, a music executive friend in Canada, when we started talking about writing and poetry. I expressed that I wrote my best poems when depressed (this was years ago). I told him that my expressions would shock my friends since my countenance was always so positive and I was always smiling. I was hard on myself and questioned my purpose on this earth. No one knew my sadness; writing was the therapy that allowed me to vent my feelings. No one read it, so no one knew; since I never showed it… It was the equivalent of writing that angry letter that you never mail!
OJ said, “Never do that. Don’t write anything negative about yourself”. He insisted that when depressed, we should write something uplifting and positive to counter the negative thoughts.
I was floored.
I am one if the biggest proponent of positivity and the belief that we should never give light to anything that pulls us down - yet I NEVER gave a second thought to the adverse effects of WRITING negative words. I was busy preaching the power of the tongue and forgot about the power of the pen!
“The pen is the tongue of the mind.”
Miguel De Cervantes
Of course! Why wouldn’t it be the same? While writing during our vulnerable time of depression our hearts and minds are open to negative elements and influences. I boasted that I never allowed my depression to define me at the time, but penning the feelings of worthlessness must have given some power to the thought. Now, in retrospect, I know it indeed had an effect on my subconscious and my self- esteem.
We should be more mindful of allowing these feelings of doubt, anger, and depression to enter our thoughts and manifest itself in our words and writings. It WILL manifest itself in our lives. Each of us has much to offer… the spice that variety brings to this tasty pot called life.
Speak and write of good things, things we hope for, things we are strong in, things we can offer society to make it a better place for our generation and the next.
Think it, believe it, write it, and say it!
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I am a little morbid. I often wonder what my funeral would be like. Who would come and what would they say? But it wasn’t until recently that I thought about what I WANT them to say. What type of person do I want to be remembered as? What legacy and reputation do I want to leave behind?
You know I am a big proponent of ‘Mapping’ so I thought it would be a great idea to write what type of person we want to be remembered as then work backwards. We should write our eulogy…no…our ‘YOU’logy! Hahahaha…I am so funny!
Anyhoo, Think about it. What speech do you want given at your funeral? What accomplishments, memories, character traits? Whatever it is we want, we should acknowledge it, write it then live it! Simple, huh?
I JUST thought about writing my ‘YOU’logy, so I am just as new to it as you are… Here is mine:
Paula Yee Sing-Edwards was a burst of positive energy. She brought joy and laughter with her vibe to many. She was an inspiration to the youth she worked closely with and her Foundation will continue to assist those in need.
She has started several successful organizations as a result of her out -of -the box thinking and has left an indelible mark as an entrepreneur, a wife, a friend, daughter, sister…a citizen of this earth. She has written several inspiring books that will continue to touch lives.
Her strength of character, academic achievements and entrepreneurial success are inspirations to many in this generation and the next.
There it is. As you can see, I have a lot to accomplish, so I gotta go! Not gonna get all this done sitting around here. What will your ‘YOU’logy read?
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I love to read. I read books about networking, building positive self and business images; about the Laws of Attraction and the power of positive thinking…the “SECRET”. Literally hundreds (maybe thousands) of dollars have been spent by me to fill my mind with words of wisdom from DVD-creating, book-signing, keynote speaking, Masters-bearing, PhD-titled authors. Companies have paid billions to train staff in customer service, branding and motivation. According to Johns Hopkins Institute of Policy Studies; Federal Government paid between $3.2 billion and $5.3 billion in 2002 on job training. States spent another $500 million to $700 million and Businesses spent considerably more on training than the federal and state governments combined – between $8 and $17 billion.
While showering the other day I was reflecting on these things and thought: I could have been making millions off Grandma!!!! The things Grandma tried to ingrain in me while growing up are exactly what I am paying thousands to study and companies are paying billions to teach… I can see it now…”Grandma’s Secret to Networking and Customer Service”.
Think about it. Didn’t your Grandma teach you to sit up straight, speak properly, dress well, smile, avoid confrontation, think positively?…. Isn’t that the basis of the teachings of our favorite motivational speakers and business gurus? My Grandma surely taught me those rules. She was strict about it too…Diddy can’t hold a candle to her boot camp (Hmmm… “I Want To Work For Grandma”?…VH1 Holla!).
Why didn’t I think of archiving all her wonderfully wise words? The more I read about networking, the art of conversation, first impressions, body language and customer service, the more of grandma’s words I see. Review these translations of Grandma’s words and tell me what you think!
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Grandma
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Text book
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Always smile so you don’t look grumpy
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Always smile
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Say “good morning” when you meet someone
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Greet customers as they enter the office, store…
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Don’t forget to thank the persons who invited you to the party
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Always thank your host at the end of an event
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Stop ‘dwelling’ on the negative
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Think positive and you will attract good
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Mind the company you keep- Birds of a feather…
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Your success is the average of your 5 closest friends
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Say hi! Say hi to the pretty lady… (in baby voice)
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Network, network, network- Be a great conversation starter.
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Speak properly
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Communication is key
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Sit up; don’t slouch
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Posture and body language are important factors in networking
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Always wear clean underwear!
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Proper attire is important in making a good impression
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Ok…the last one was definitely put there for a chuckle, BUT IT IS TRUE!
Next time you read a book or sit through a seminar on customer service and networking, remember where you heard it first… from Grandma, the guru!
Hope you enjoyed reading this was…it sure was fun writing it!
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Facebook, Myspace, Twitter and all other networking sites are absolutely terrific and a BIG tool for marketing and networking. Since the boom of these websites, the art of conversation and direct ‘human’ interaction have been lost. It’s kinda like when we started storing phone numbers in cell phones and could no longer remember people’s numbers on our own. Before cell phones, I could reel off anyone’s number without hesitation; alas, my brain no longer logs these in. Hmm…maybe that’s just me. But I digress…
The art of networking in person is almost dead. Even the most skilled of minglers need to make an effort to have face to face conversation after a few years of ‘networking-made-easy’, courtesy of the cyber age.
Thank goodness for self-help books such as How to Work a Room by Susan RoAne. I just finished this great read which I rate as well written and pertinent in this age where networking, image and branding are the core of any and every business.
The author starts out by identifying the 5 reasons (”Roadblocks”) resulting from our socialization, that prevent us from communicating freely and comfortably with strangers. Our mother ingrained in us to :
- Not talk to strangers
- Wait to be properly introduced
- Not be pushy
- Better be safe than sorry
- Avoid mixed messages
Susan RoAne addresses each individual issue and suggests real solutions for overcoming these roadblocks.
In my blog post, “You Had Me From Hello”-Work your Network!! , I related a story about using RoAne’s tips from the book to create a positive lasting impression on the hosts and fellow guests at an event I attended with my husband. Since then, I have continued to utilize the book to create strong business and personal contacts. RoAne stresses the fact that networking shouldn’t be a task…it should be natural and fun! So after reading the book I didn’t feel like a student about to take a life-changing examination; instead I felt excited and energized to try the suggestions.
How to Work a Room explains the importance of the perfect handshake, active listening, how to gather great conversation starters, how to leave a great first impression, the essence of never leaving our business cards (EVER!) and so much more…. My question is…How did she cover so many issues in one book!?
The author’s style is a combination of humor, anecdotes, comic strips and stories from her own life to make the book entertaining as well as educational. Every chapter brought a chuckle (yea…I got some strange looks on the train).
Anyone who has to attend a reunion, a trade show, give a speech before a crowd, go to the gym, walk your dog in the park….pretty much go anywhere…this is a great read to help you on your way to developing your communication skill or honing your already adept socializing dexterity. Of course, Susan RoAne wisely and succinctly tackles the etiquette to be used in “cyber rooms” and “techno toy” rooms, addressing the proper use of emails, cell phone and PDAs.
This is evidence that the book is great: No one is as shy as my husband with whom I am in business and he has used the tips to work a room…even I am impressed! My job as his spokesperson and official event crutch may be in grave jeopardy (thanks a lot Susan!…Kidding!!).
RoAne ends the book by outlining the 10 Commandments of Communication which sum up the topics covered:
Thou shalt prepare
Thou shalt attend
Thou shalt try strategies
Thou shalt say something…anything
Thou shalt mind thy manners
Thou shalt avoid common crutches
Thou shalt remember the 3 E’s – Effort, Energy, Enthusiasm
Thou shalt dress appropriately
Thou shalt remember the 3 C’s- Courtesy, Charm, Chutzpah
Thou shalt bring thy sense of humor
How to Work a Room by Susan RoAne is a great read with great communication pointers. Pick it up and start connecting again!!
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This is for all you..er…us… procrastinators.
Goal-setting is a vital step in getting ahead and developing personally or professionally. Setting ‘finishing points’ is easy…..getting them done is HARD!!!
I am a born planner. I wish I had a job where I could organize everyone’s life, schedule, future… BUT, very few things do I actually accomplish. Why? I procrastinate! I feel so good after making the perfect plan, I spend forever patting myself on the shoulder, and planning more. But what is the use in having well made plans if we fail to execute them?
This has been a serious problem in my life. So I have recently made adjustments to improve my goal execution.
My plans are always written; I actually keep an idea book, where I make notes when I brainstorm or I list things I want to accomplish in life, for the year, the month, the week, the day…you get the idea… I WRITE everything.
Next, I set deadlines (I work best under pressure…even if self inflicted!) to achieve these and outline how I am going to go about it. Everyday I do something-no matter how small- towards achieving the goal…then I ‘tickie’ it!!! YES…TICKIE (ticky?…sticky? however we spelt it in school). It is a great feeling to put a check mark at things we planned to accomplish; it gives a sense of satisfaction and moves us a step closer to our finish point.
Now, as a procrastinator, getting the listed things done is a task, so I have to train myself (boot camp styleee). I tend to start things and NOT finish, so since I am aware of this problem I make a concentrated effort to complete. I set small seemingly mundane goals. For example, at the gym on the treadmill I will set it for 15 mins and by 12 or 13 mins I figure I could stop to begin another workout. BUT in Paula’s bootcamp I have to stick it out and complete the 15 mins- my goal.
If I am reading a book, I set a goal to complete certain chapters and I do not stop until I finish the goal.
Slowly I am seeing evidence of progress…even in maintaining the writing of these notes and blogs, I am like that old-ish Jamaican Festival Song (Mi Stop, Mi Go, Mi Stop…mi stop, mi go, mi stop, mi go….stop and gooooooooo)-pardon the corniness, I can’t help it!
So…us partial doers…sufferers of Adult ADD (Adult Attention Deficit Disorder)…let’s work on it together and get stuff done.
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In this age of branding, public image is no longer limited to business but is now very personal. Since the boom of the social networking sites such as Myspace, Facebook …Hi5 (hey, don’t knock Hi5! I met the love of my life there!!!), the image of individuals is under continuous scurtiny.
The photos, the friends, the bio are all used to ’sum up’ what a person is all about. So always keep in mind the image and the impression you want the public to have of you. As we are all well aware, these sites are powerful marketing tools, so what do you want to market yourself as? If you are an entrepreneur (as so many of us are), the image we reflect on these sites affect how our business is viewed….
… Do you have a corporate Image business with party girl pix?
… Do you have a photography business with poor quality photos posted?
….Are you an entertainment agent with NO photos of your involvement in the field?
… Are you promoting health awareness with photos showing your involvement (innocent as they may seem) in unhealthy habits…
Then you and your business run the risk of not being taken seriously and may not gain the confidence of the mass due to the contradictory image. This clearly can have a negative effect on your bottomline..your earnings…your profit..your moula.
Yea, the adage is true…image is everything…more so than ever before.
Of course, one such way to separate your personal life from your business is to set up separate networking accounts. The business account will reflect the logo and industry-related photos and information, while the personal allows you to be more natural.
So…if you never thought about this before, think about it!
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I was showering (where I get my best enlightenment) and started thinking about accessibility and ambition. They seem to have an inversely proportional relationship… when things are accessible, we don’t strive as hard.
Remember high school? Those who lived near to the school were the ones late. And even in adulthood…those close to work are those who are late. On the other hand, those who lived far away (Linstead, Spanish Town…) were at school before all the classrooms were open!
Are we prone to take things for granted when we have the means at our fingertips? This may not be the general… but it happens frequently enough to be..er…general-ish. I am always amazed at stories of people who excelled after having to study by candle light, with a crowded house, after cooking the dinner and cleaning up. And then those who had ample space, books, resources find some lame excuse to not get things done.
Those with no personal means of transport will get on the bus and get where they need to be…but those with a car somehow get lazy. If it breaks down, they cannot get to work, or to the meeting…
If there is a something you are striving for in this life, never let anything keep you from going for it. Act as if you have no choice but to get it. As if there are no ‘parents’ to bail you out, no ‘family business’ to get into if yours fail…GET IT. As you achieve small levels of success, strive for the ultimate goal as if you have nothing to fall back on…to ‘settle’ with. (But please do go ahead and celebrate every level of success, just don’t let it slow the growth process.)
We are the only ones who can really achieve what we want…and too often we are the ones who keep ourselves from it.
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So I am sitting here at my desk writing my September map. Yea… “writing” my map… I have to, without it I am like a headless chicken going blindly in circles.
I refer to myself as a Jane of All Trades and ‘Work-In-Progress-Master of Most’ (if not all). At any given time I have countless ideas swirling around my mind…like noise…mental noise. Every time I had a thought I began to pursue it and neglect the former idea I was pursuing. This resulted in a lot of half-completed plans and half way achievements. Not good. I had to think of a way to control my ideas and bring each of them to fruition in a sensible fashion and stop wasting energy and time chasing every thought.
According to a study by the Ford Foundation:
• 23% of the population has no clue what they want from life and as such, they have very little.
• 67% of the population has a general idea what they want out of life, but no clue how to attain it.
• 10% of the population has specific goals
• Only 7 out of that 10 achieve their goals half the time
• The top 3% achieved the goals 89% of the time
The difference between the 3% elite group and the rest was: THEY WROTE DOWN THEIR GOALS!!! Can you believe it? Sounds too simple, right?
But it kinda makes sense, doesn’t it? Goal-setting is like a map - it guides us to our destination, allowing us to have a bird’s eye view of the route. We can avoid time-wasting dead ends and detours. Dreams and wishes become goals when they are written; in some strange way writing them down materializes them and makes them probable. I like the phrase “dreams with a deadline” which I have heard used to describe goals.
These are tips to creating my maps for success:
• Get a calendar as visual aid; the mind tends to follow what is in front of it.
• Set aside an hour a day to plan. Force yourself into the habit.
• Work backwards- Focus on your long term goals and decide what short term activities will lead to your long term target.
• Plan tomorrow the night before- While you sleep, your mind will organize your time. I have a white board by my desk that I write my daily tasks on. Then at the end of the day I erase the accomplished ones and leave the undone ones for the next day. Of course the aim is to erase them all!!!
• Start the day with a mental run-down of your agenda. Then just do them! Walk with an idea notebook to jot anything that comes to mind.
• Of course keep in mind that there may be obstacles. Plan for these proactively and not re-actively. Just steer around the obstacles and keep on moving.
• Reward yourself when you achieve your goals. Give yourselves mini-incentives to go even further. But if course don’t waste time patting yourself on the back for too long…there is still lots to do!
Anyhoo my friends, I am going back to my mapping! See you at the finish line of success!
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By now everyone knows that networking is the core of any entrepreneurial venture; Networking is marketing and marketing is key in promoting yourself, a service or product. Image and reputation (-thanks David Mullings) play powerful roles in the success (or lack) of any business. What is often forgotten is the fact that we don’t need to attend ‘networking’ functions and conferences to do so. We can interact and market in our day to day goings-on. The gym, the gas station, the bank, the supermarket, a child’s party are great untapped sources of contacts, customers, consumers and patrons.
I have always been a socialista; as a child I somehow knew the power of having certain contacts. I remember tugging at my dad’s shirt compelling him to introduce me to any police officer I saw anywhere…for some reason I believed I would need to have them as close friends (hmm..What was I thinking I would need them for??). It was the same for just about any professional, as I walked with a ‘contacts notebook’ to jot numbers…was so cute…I was like 10!
But this weekend, after reading “How to Work a Room” by Susan RoAne, I decided to go steps further with my networking. As a guest at a sweet 16 for the daughter of a friend of a friend - my friend’s grandparents could no longer attend, so my husband and I were the replacements. We were 2 of 4 black persons in a mostly Jewish circle and I thought to myself “self….let’s put our reading into practice!”
I took my friend’s mom’s hand and we took over the dance floor. Soon my husband joined in and we got others involved too. People were rooting for us and asking us to show them our dance moves etc; complimenting my husband and myself on what a great couple we seem to be…
I saw a couple on the dance floor make their way to the bar (open bar yipeeee) I followed so as to strike up a conversation. We chatted for a bit about their 28 year marriage, their kids, exchanged introductions and bingo…I left my mark. Similarly, I greeted the hosts (the parents) and commended them on an awesome event during the party and on our departure. I circled the room and shook hands with the people at most tables and met other professionals present at the event.
Yesterday I got a call from my friend who invited us informing me that we were the talk of the party and “everyone is still talking” about the awesome couple. There is now an open invitation to any event the family is hosting!
The point is…even those of us who think we have the keenest networking skills…with a CONSCIOUS effort to do more, we can make marketing magic! I did not market my upcoming online magazine, YaadNoyz Magazine, since it is still in the works, but I laid a foundation to chat business in the future.
Make eye contact today with someone and spark up a conversation..watch it work magic for your business life or even your personal life! Tomorrow I will discuss a few of my “conversation-starter-uppers”. Talk about the weather, the gas price, the color of her dress…be honest and confident and leave your mark.
You can have them at hello!!!
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Here is another from my survey archive. I received lots of email responses for this one when I posted it in my Myspace Blog. I would love to hear..er…read the responses from my Facebook friends!
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Hey friends!
This topic is a doozie! I have many male and female friends..MANY.. so I have been lucky to be exposed to 2 sides and 2 points of view to various very sensitive issues.
I have not had the opportunity to ask the views on this particular topic, so I thought I would throw it out here….
A MAN AND WOMAN ARE HAVING A CASUAL SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP (MUTUAL AGREEMENT), BUT THE WOMAN GETS PREGNANT DURING ONE OF THE ENCOUNTERS WITH THE MAN.
THE MAN SAYS HE DOES NOT WANT A CHILD (WELL… NOT FROM HER) AND OFFERS TO PAY FOR AN ABORTION.
IF THE WOMAN AGREES, AGREES!!!!!!!….GOES TO THE CLINIC……….. THEN CHANGES HER MIND WITHOUT DISCUSSING WITH THE MAN AND DECIDES TO KEEP THE CHILD….IS THE MAN STILL OBLIGATED TO TAKE CARE OF THE CHILD??
Believe me when I say I am torn about this issue.
I have been trying to type my opinion right here and find it difficult. Children should never suffer for the errors of the parents, but parenting is more than being there for a child financially.. how can you feign love and emotional bonding? If those are absent I rather not have the man in the child’s life.
If I was a man… and agreed with a woman to NOT parent a child with her..and SHE decides otherwise after… I would not be happy to be forced into that relationship with her.
On the other hand… it takes 2 people to conceive the child, so both parties should bear the consequences and step up to the plate and be a responsible parent…
Sooooooooo many different views…. Hmmm…what do you think. (hope you have better luck putting it on paper).
